I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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