So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
