Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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