i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
