Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
