he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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