DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
