This is not my ceiling
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
