@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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