And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
