I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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