and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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