I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
