I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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