tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
