you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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