took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
