Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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