If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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