Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
