I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
