five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
