erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
