i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
