Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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