So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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