At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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