Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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