Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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