do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
