THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
