you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
