Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
