If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
