everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
