Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
