I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
