You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
