This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
