he thought i was a dude.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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