At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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