I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
