I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
