Everything about him screamed your future.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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