He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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