HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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