The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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