i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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