Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
