the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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