I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
