I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
