we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
