So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
