there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My vagina just clenched in fear
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
