Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
