it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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