Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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