is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
