I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
