How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
