It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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