i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
