Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize