I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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