Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
