and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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