we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
