i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she told me i tasted like america
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
jump out the window naked night went bad
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