Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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